Dealing with people who offend you can be a struggle that causes stress, discomfort, disappointment, and anger. It can be even more complicated when the person is a family member or someone you love.
Recently, I had a family member who needed help reconnecting with her inner self, finding peace of mind, easing her anxiety, and brainstorming solutions for her future. I suggested she visit me in New Zealand as the perfect place to reconnect with herself in these beautiful surroundings.
Regrettably, the plan did not go well. It’s like she was a complete stranger to us. We couldn’t recognize her. She behaved rudely towards my husband and me, exhibiting no respect for the home we had carefully prepared for her. Her loud and aggressive behavior, constant complaints, obnoxious drunkenness, frequent interruptions, and other offensive conduct were intolerable and made us feel uncomfortable.
These actions go against what you believe are acceptable ways of behavior. They also cross your personal limits and can provoke feelings of anger or frustration. Nevertheless, you can acquire the skills to manage these situations and prevent them from negatively impacting your life.
I must admit that I am not flawless in this regard, but I had to address the problem of causing distress in my life and jeopardizing my marriage.
Your home is your fortress. It’s a place where you should feel safe, comfortable, and respected. If anyone, even family members, cannot respect you and your home, which you opened with an open heart to help them, they must leave immediately. No ifs, no buts. Your boundaries and well-being should always come first.
It’s important to remember that the aftermath of a situation like this one can be devastating, but it’s crucial to understand that it’s not your fault. You are not responsible for the actions of others, and therefore, you should not blame yourself. It’s essential to forgive yourself because you did everything in your power, and you should love yourself for doing your best.
Although being compassionate can be challenging at times, it is a noble trait we should always strive for. It can be tough to show compassion to those who annoy us, disrespect our boundaries, or anger us. However, reflecting on their behavior, we can understand that it’s often a coping mechanism for their fears or insecurities. By realizing this, we can overcome these challenges by being mindful of our reactions and avoiding letting our emotions get in the way of our compassion.
After much consideration and some conversations with her, I came to a confident decision to shorten her stay. I knew it was the best choice for both of us. However, I also understood the importance of sending her home with love. Therefore, I expressed my love and appreciation for her before she left. I did not want any negative feelings, such as anger or resentment, to linger in my heart. Instead, I focused on the positive moments we shared and the good memories we created. Ultimately, it was the right decision.
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”
– Roberto Assagioli
The End🙏